- Fear of losing someone I love
- I am afraid
- Emotional Support for the current crises
- How do you react when fear hits?
- The drama of being “good”
Click on titles to read the article
- Smokers reflections
- Don’t judge your needs – understand them
- Recognising self criticism
- Learning through mistakes
- Are you a giver?
- Be a voice not an echo
- Why am I feeling like this?
- Emotional Outbreaks and what to do
- The angry and the peacekeeper
- Detaching yourself from the believes of your ancestors
- Trauma Check
- Anxiety – the root believes behind it
- Reue – ein Treibstoff für Veränderung
- What if feeling…. is ok?
- Celebrate your importance
- The capitalism in me
- Take away the blame
- The Non-attachment question
- Sexual Healing – Part 1
- Fear of mistakes
- Personal Boundaries
Others do anything to develop on their path of personal development
Are there any similarities ?
As to my observation and experience, one can be on the so called spiritual path and do exactly what the outer success path does.
Basically everything in order to obtain certain feelings and avoid other feelings.
The feelings we look for are feeling in control, being strong, sure about ourselves, safe….
The feelings we try to avoid are being stressed, disturbed, in chaos, uncertain etc…
And many spiritual retreats and techniques promise you the finally better live!
How tempting….or how frustrating if after a while you notice you still have “problems”
Is there something gone wrong about the way we think about healing or spiritual progress?
As to my observations and experience and I love saying “I might have it all wrong, who knows “, the game of live is about being present in the midst of whatever is happening. And even so we may have heard this spiritual wisdom, I believe that we need to practise our awareness to honestly check again and again, am I doing this in order to avoid certain feeling.
As long as we avoid feelings we just play the carriers game, the point we will reach is maybe some spiritual success but still something stays unfulfilled.
The feeling of being heavenly carried, or maybe call it balance and a certain ease to live, comes when we are becoming friends with failure and success and treat those two impostors just the same.
On the path of healing rigorous honesty is something that has an essential role.
The biggest step is often to say: Yes I do have a problem!
Once we can admit there are issues f.e. behaviours that just don’t go hand in hand with how we want to behave we have a chance to do something about them.
This is probably the first challenge. However it’s not over there. We need to discover what it really is we do and why. And that needs honesty, because some of the things we do are not pretty and we might face real trouble admitting them.
We are trained to accept certain things and condemn others. That is what makes it so hard, because of the hard wired program of childhood and common consciousness field.
Feelings are one of the ways that work to discover what are you hard wired to. Understanding your feelings can bring huge relieve and is a great beginning to change some of the hard wired stuff that is not serving you anymore.
But even accessing our feelings is not easy in many cases. We are so good in denial, we have learnt so well to suppress. And it’s always good to know what is the scenario that you are prepared for the battle.
We all have learnt to say I’m fine thank you – and if you’d dare to say I’m pissed off or I’m frustrated, you would be talked out of it or shunned or told off. So what is the point of having any emotions?
Embracing all our emotions and inviting them in like a visitor we want to get to know better is a good step to learn rigorous honesty and with that go deeper into the self discovery and healing.
There is an opinion out there stating that we are always responsible for our reactions, wether we choose to feel hurt by things or if maybe someone else really inflicted pain on us.
Is there really a perpetrator and a victim or is it a dance two people dance together?
Well it’s a complex issue and I will just scratch the surface as to what my experiences show me.
Yes we are fully responsible for our choices of reactions. Still we are not always fully developed to have a choice. And this “undeveloped” part, that comes from emotional under development is enslaved to certain reactions.
And of course it has to do with the child in us and beyond that it might be pre conceptional agreements, karma and learning tasks we set for ourselves before we incarnate. Anyway that is a reasonable sounding theory in my opinion 😉
However the way we react is also the sign post as to which direction to look at and how to start developing our emotional maturity.
When you feel anger as a reaction than look into this anger, welcome it, make it fully yours and let it lead you to the course of things, the action that happened where you were not able to choose.
When you react with blaming than look into the blaming, who do you want to blame and what for and when was it you really did not have a choice.
Giving yourself permission
In the last retreat here on Saturday I had prepared 50 Permission cards, and so we all got to pull a card that suggests something to give yourself permission too and we dived into reflection on how we feel about that.
Now I got the “silly” phrase of give yourself permission to have a lye in on Sunday and stay in your pajamas all day. I thought that was not a difficult thing and I had hoped to pull a more “exciting” card…Well, to be honest it made my nearly angry to start with such an “easy” challenge…..
But yes, it was a challenge and a wonderful lesson. I come to understand a lot about the rules I apply to myself unconsciously all the time and I feel like I have started to take much more notice of this now. It is not about staying in bed all day, but to give yourself permission to do so, if you want to, felt great! And challenging, it’s like you get to hear the voices the normally drive you on auto pilot to do things the way how you were programmed.
Laziness was extremely frowned upon at my house. And yes I am such an active person, but am I truly by nature, or am I just following a program….Can I stay calm with people being “lazy” around me, or do I get angry and feel like they should be doing something.
What shaped my believes and what is it I choose to believe today to shape my live.
All rather interesting questions. I love the journey to explore and to share about it.
Thanks for hearing me and feel free to tell me about your story.
Healing by meeting your needs and completing the process or living a “healthy” live by will power?
I am a firm believer of healing by completing the process of the full experience we choose. And I am experiencing both, the parts of me that live the life I decided is how it would be “good/healthy” to live and parts of me that have changed because I completed the experience.
But what does that all mean?
We can live a healthy live by will power, maintaining our program of what we feel is “good” to do without actually solving the underlying trauma (uncompleted process). That results in a continuous battle, i.e. you have stopped to smoke but every time you are with others who still do so you feel tempted or you think thoughts like “pure people, it is so bad to smoke, I am so glad I don’t do this anymore…” But what is really happening is that you are still unresolved. The cause of the addictive and self-harming behavior hasn’t gone away and you choose to do what you “think” is best and right to do.
If we work on the core root of why something is happening and go through the process of the full emotion the result will be that addictive behaviors finish by themselves when it is time for this. So stopping to drink or smoke or whatever it is you do may seam like the solution to your problem, but really it is just a plaster and it is maintained by willpower. And often it is nurturing the underlying course of your addictive behavior (which might be an unresolved anger…), rather than healing yourself fully. With that I don’t want to say to not stop or “control” your addictions, this may sometimes by a totally necessary choice and has it’s place. Still at the same time I suggest to take the time to nurture what it is that makes you want to do the things that are self-harming.
The emotional healing work is not about getting rid of unwanted emotions, it is using the emotional desire to start connect with the process that once in your live was not able to finish. Emotions are frequencies and they go through a process and quite often we start with total powerlessness and fear that may be followed by anger, rage, revenge, …. all emotions that are already higher in frequency than fear and powerlessness. At the other end is love and joy, but we can not jump from the bottom to the top bypassing the middle. We can pretend that all is good, and aim for forgiveness instead of rage, as we have learned it is so much more “right”, but it will be a fake forgiveness. Forgiveness is something that happens by itself, when the process is being completed. Meaning when we walked the way from fear and depression passing anger, revenge, rage, whatever… to get to sadness, grief and finally enter into the higher frequencies of courage and happiness, gratitude, joy and love.
Whatever and wherever you are right now, all is good and right there is where the journey is to be continued.
Spiraling or circling?
7th of March 2019
Are the themes you have already dealt with reappearing? And can you distinguish if they are spiraling or circling (as in “viscous” circle ;-)?
Do you know that feeling when you felt so great about having dealt with an issue and you feel so liberated and changed and some time later the same stuff comes up again!
And you start to doubt all you did… was it just an illusion, I high of the moment….something that did not last?
Well both is possible and indicates stuff. Either the method you’ve been using has really only been a superficial plaster that didn’t change much at the root course or maybe you have changed and now are ready for the next layer of the same issue.
Remember we only ever get as much as we can digest at the time and it’s actually a true blessing to get it in bit sized pieces.
So have a look if things are still totally the same or if some things are new and changed and it’s actually maybe even deeper layers that now have moved to the “uncomfortable” zone and are possibly ready to be addressed.
But even if you come to the conclusion that the attempt of solving your issue did not work out with what you did last time, simply the fact that you have been dealing with it means that you are ready for change. So just give it another go and remember things take their time, grass doesn’t grow faster if we pull it 🙂
From heart-to-heart Melanie