Natural Giving AKA NVC

A language for a world without guilt, shame, obligations, punishments or rewards. Sounds good to me 🙂

I have started to study Non violent communication, something I had been reluctant to look into for a while, cause I always felt my “violance” is also taking care of me to some degree.

Now I m about to discover something even better and I d love to share about it.

First of all I like the idea of “the language of natural giving” better than the term NON-violent. For me this has made me associate the hippy-dippy-nicy-bla-bla with lots of overlong hugs and friendly words that didn’t reach me really, cause there was still lots of violent talk. I was surprised to find out that statements like “I feel so hurt when you ….” are actually “violent” and need translating into “giraffe-language ;-)”. What the person might try to communicate is that they feel pain and they feel that their need for ———i.e. safety, acknowledgment, trust, being heard…..- has not been met. And really they want to say, could you please met my need. Just that the language chosen is not very efficient in making this happen.

So I feel my world is once again going through great shifts and I m looking forward to integrating the NVC into my service as a facilitator for emotional healing processes and also as an intermediator for conflict resolution.

Meanwhile I will have to do lots of practice 🙂 It’s a long road to unlearn our language and to have the internal translator working 24/7 in an authentic and honest way (not trying to be nicy nicy and really violating your own needs!!!!). So I m on a mission and wanted to share my path and some exercises that I m going to work on.

The first exercise to work on is to listen to your own inner critic. How is that voice talking to you? What does it say when you do something that is less than “perfect” in your world view?

I will share a story that happened to me, when I heard criticism recently by someone saying “It’s not what you say, it’s the way you say it, so harsh.”

Now my inner critic usually agrees: She is right, you always talk loud and aggressively and you should talk like one of the nice people, whisper and calm, no one likes someone loud like you. You are a bad person, noone likes you.

So I had to do some translation, which was the easy part, the hard part was to recognize my own judgement.

When I reflected about my inner critic I had to think of when I was told I m to loud and when my rage and anger from childhood did not have a place. I had a need for a safe space where I would be supported in regulating my overwhelming emotions. This need wasn’t met and I had no idea about it and not the tools I have today. Today I can chose to support myself for my angers (frustrations) and I can ask someone to help me met this need, for example by listening to me. I can met the need of the child in me today and make her feel safe and able to self regulate without suppressing or swallowing emotions.

I was also thinking of how rejecting I often feel towards the way my father was when I was a child, cause he often was loud and angry. And I realized I can chose to also translate what his unmet needs where. Obviously very similar to mine, hence the drama continuation…..

I feel that practicing this process is deeply empowering and upgrades the quality of live hugely. Especially the realization that the best thing in live is to just do what you want and live in conscious choices every moment. Everything we do out of guilt,obligation, fear of punishment, fear of not being loved etc…..has a price attached. You know this kind of moments when someone says: after all what I’ve done for you …. No one like to receive something that isn’t coming from natural giving. We all long for connections through natural giving and get deeply fulfilled through them.

If you want to get a deep pictures about the NVC I recommend this video from the Marshall Rosenberg who developed this method.

Published by Melanie

I love to create and hold safe spaces that allow us to explore the depth of our beings. I do this on the physical level at our homes in Portugal as well as in vibrational ways though being present with people during sessions online or in person. I am also an adventurous homey, that loves to live in and with nature, exploring and living alternatives ways of live, education, health and entertainment.

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