We have it deeply ingrained in us. You have to be the best or at least good enough, to get what you want.

We have been nurturing an elbow society for so many generations and we have to realize the consequence.

In a world where the success of one is the failure of another, there is no real happiness. It’s just the kick of YES, I won and the frustration of the other side….

Both can turn into patterns and often our stories are the repetition of an early unacknowledged failure or success.

Where does competition start? I think it starts super early when we get to fight with anything that takes away the attention (love) we need from our care givers.

Competitive behaviour is a reaction to unfulfilled needs.

In a world that is balanced we would simply feel pleasure and happiness for someone elses achievements, knowing that we also benefit from them. As we are all one. It’s like if you receive a massage on your elbow, your hole body will receive and relax. And so are we as humanity a complete body.

But how to work with our competitiveness?

First of all I believe it’s important to acknowledge it and to welcome it. Generally we have two positions we take when we are meeting our own competitiveness:

  1. we feel ashamed and try to hide it from ourselves and others (unconscious or consciously)
  2. we feel busted and false pride and arrogance can easily attach to our personality and cause damage by becoming power abusive (again, this can happen conscious or unconsciously)

Yesterday I dived into my feelings and found some of the un-lived grief of not being heard enough when I needed it. I now have the option to turn towards my grief and embrace it with love and heal the silent suffering from the past. A silent suffering that is bigger than my story and that holds many stories of ancestors. But once it comes to be acknowledged it starts healing automatically.

I encountered the shaming that I had been taught (and my ancestors before me) about “wanting” something and being taught not to be so attention seeking, needy, annoying, hard work, etc…..

Today I look at the needs of children and I start to see the huge importance and consequences of not acting to the request.

The child will do anything to get attention. It’s our task to recognize the need and to accompany the being in need with all we have to give. Whilst of course, also feeding ourselves to enable us to be present.

So today if you met your inner child with need of attention, I invite you to encourage it to express it and to grant it the attention needed. Give the love to yourself that you did not receive at times of need. Create the space and be there with your pain.

Take 10 minutes and go for a walk or sit in meditation or have a hot cacao and gentle music and allow yourself to have all the dreams and needs and wishes you want.

Thank you for letting me share this and for listening.



Published by Melanie

I love to create and hold safe spaces that allow us to explore the depth of our beings. I do this on the physical level at our homes in Portugal as well as in vibrational ways though being present with people during sessions online or in person. I am also an adventurous homey, that loves to live in and with nature, exploring and living alternatives ways of live, education, health and entertainment.

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