Disappointment

Why…..

Why do we have to go through this?

We have an idea, a dream, a wish and than it just doesn’t go the way we d like it to go. It may mean we have to start again, we have to adapt changes, we have to learn from the experience – what is it that we really want?

And it is conected to pain. There is not much to change that.

In fact there are two options, one is to shut down, lower your expectations, not dare to have dreams anymore, just cage yourself

or

give room to your pain. Let it exist, don’t try and chase it away. Give it some right to be and say thank you pain. Thank you for helping me to see what it is I really want. Make room for the inspiration to discover the way to get there.

I ll tell you my recent story:

For the second time I had promoted a workshop. It is my dream to reach more people with the message and methods for emotional healing, something that was and is so important to my life and helped me so much.

I realised I need to reach people and get known and heard and seen. So I contacted places to do workshops and structured how I can present this work and share with people about the work. I really don’t like the promotion work and the whole organising the curse job. I like the part of turning up and being present. Well I have to find a good solution there….

Anyway I did not manage to get a group minimum of 5 participants. I got 1 inscription and 3 friends who where there to support me if I needed.

I was devestated….(once again)

It’s heart breaking.

There I am, a women of nearly 50, given up my ever so busy carrer as a wedding planner, to become an emotional healing coach and I just can’t make it work.

And now I have to face my emotions of feeling useless, realising how much I love it to be usefull. But I want to be usefull with what I love doing, not just anything.

I have to face my emotions with hating it to feel any sort of pitty in the slightest. Yes, I feel it’s horrible when people feel sorry for you. (and I realise I do the same far to often)

I have to come to see that the people I know are the ones I have preconceptions about and that the people who know me are the once that have preconceptions about me.

And I have to take time for my pain and my loos. Time to breath and recompose myself.

Time to rethink and decide what to do next. Time to feel into my dream, connect with it and ask it what I need to do next.

I sit and negotiate with my desire to give up and trash everything. Just move all to the bin, focus on other things in live. Things that wont hurt me like that. Things that are appreciated, like cooking a meal for my family….

I realise the fear of failure is tempting me to really give up.

Why am I doing this? Why do we need to be successfull?

Yes we want satisfaction and when we are giving something that is needed we feel we have a place in this world.

And that’s most likely the underlying wound. Do I have a place here, am I wanted and needed?

And does the disapointment tell us, no, there is no need for you. or does it tell us to gather our strength and to trust and remember that we are loved and wanted and that our talents are special, unic and needed.

That there is a need for us to be here, to particpate and be a part of….

That is what I need to feel and know, and really I know it, but my failure is reminding me about it. My pain gives me strength.

My honesty shares hope.

I embrace my disapointment, I wrap myself in love and self compashion, I will heal and I will grow and than I have even more to share about.

Namaste

Published by Melanie

I am an adventurous homey, that loves to live in and with nature, exploring and living alternatives ways of live, education, health and entertainment. I am a dot connector, people lover and a planner and organizer.

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