Giving is considered the good thing, the right thing, helping those in need, being selfless and caring.
And it’s truly a great thing , that we can give to those in need.
Still many givers are exhausting themselves on the way or possibly doing it for the “wrong” reason. This leads to exhaustion and illness and so it’s important to see what type of a giver am I?
Lets look at the dynamics of giving.
- Are you giving out of an overflow of blessings?
- Are you feeling guilty if you didn’t give?
- Do you know why you give?
First of all when we give, our time and energy than there is always a reason for it. We could say giving makes me happy, but why? Maybe the answer is, because it makes me feel in control and less guilty.
If you are a giver, how is it for you to receive? Can you receive? Or do you feel this is dangerous, because you are at the mercy of others? And vulnerable?
From the trauma perspective it is a very logical action, to become a giver in order to stay in control.
A healthy giver knows how to give AND receive.
But when you are feeling totally attracted by all the drama around you and you just feel the urge of helping, than often there are hidden dramas in your own story to be solved.
What happened last time you where needy? Did your needs get met?
Or did they not get met and you ended up feeling shame for having any needs and trying to be “good” so the guilt and shame feelings won’t come back….
Do you know why you give?
Maybe someone becomes a doctor because their mother died of an illness during their childhood years. The pain and the helplessness can be the fuel to become a really good doctor, dedicated to help others. But it can also be a constant struggle where in the subconscious you are still trying to rescue mama, because subconsciously you maybe feel guilty or you haven’t had the space and emotional support to grief.
The journey of becoming a doctor will always remind you of the unresolved feelings in order to help you with your transformational story.
And if transformation happens it brings you in peace with knowing that not everything is in our hands. And accepting that things happen as they do without this being wrong. It’s just an idea that it should have been different, because the process of the emotions wasn’t finished.
So do you give in healthy ways? Do you say Yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no?
So you can also receive and you do not feel guilty?
We breath in we breath out. We take and we give. And it all starts with taking and it all ends with giving.