The angry and the peace keeper

Photo by LoboStudio Hamburg on Unsplash

Wether you react as a peace keeper in conflict situation; just dont get angry and make sure there is no discussion, just saying yes to keep the peace and not expressing your true opinion; or you are stating your point with verbal (or physical) agression, feeling, angry and disrespected.

It’s the same root problem.

It’s both a reaction to having your boundries violated at some point when you were not able to fully understand or you were missing the resources to act.

And it’s a trauma reaction, one is the fight responds and the other the flight responds.

So were is the middle way and how to find it?

It starts as always with recognising that you have either of these tendencies and to not judge yourself for it. You aren’t like this cause you chose to, but because you didn’t have any other choice yet!

To be able to set clear and loving boundries you need to heal the wounds of the past when your own boundries were disrespected, when you learnt that expressing your needs means “danger”.

It’s getting the hardwired program to understand that the circumstances are different now and now you have a choice.

Looking at what happend to yourself, understanding your story and givning yourself the permission to be pissed of about it, rather then just saying oh well it’s past no need to get upset about it now. If you have unclear boundries, than most likely because you never allowed yourself to get upset about these things.

The aim is not to stay in anger and frustration, but to move forward we need to pass there and aknoledge this is part.

Once we embrace these emotions too we will find the passage to letting go of the past with love, respect and understanding, acknoledging that nothing happens to us, but things happen for us. To teach us important lessons in life and to help us mature and grow.

From heart to heart

Melanie

Whether you react as a peace keeper in conflict situation; just don’t get angry and make sure there is no discussion, just saying yes to keep the peace and not expressing your true opinion; or you are stating your point with verbal (or physical) aggression, feeling, angry and disrespected.

It’s the same root problem.

It’s both a reaction to having your boundaries violated at some point in your life, when you were not able to fully understand or you were missing the resources to act.

And it’s a trauma reaction, one is the fight responds and the other the flight responds.

So were is the middle way and how to find it?

It starts as always with recognising that you have either of these tendencies and to not judge yourself for it. You aren’t like this cause you chose to, but because you didn’t have any other choice yet!

To be able to set clear and loving boundaries you need to heal the wounds of the past when your own boundaries were disrespected, when you learnt that expressing your needs means “danger”.

It’s getting the hardwired program to understand that the circumstances are different now and now you have a choice.

Looking at what happened to yourself, understanding your story and giving yourself the permission to be pissed of about it, rather then just saying “oh well, it’s past, no need to get upset about it now.” If you have unclear boundaries, than most likely because you never allowed yourself to get upset about these things.

The aim is not to stay in anger and frustration, but to move forward we need to pass there and acknowledge this is part.

Once we embrace these emotions too we will find the passage to letting go of the past with love, respect and understanding, acknowledging that nothing happens to us, but things happen for us. To teach us important lessons in life and to help us mature and grow.

From heart to heart

Melanie

Melanie

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