Sometimes I wake up and it’s hard to understand what I am feeling.
I could cry or just sense a depression or maybe it’s an anxiety. I get the thought I need to get on with live, follow my goals, improve and “work”.
And than a little voice tells me this is the fear for my odd feeling. If I get busy it might go away, I might not have to deal with it.
Funny thing is my work is helping people to deal with their emotions ;-), so I can’t really cheat myself out of this one. I have to take the time. I have to accept I may be “unproductive””useless”…Oh yes, I know this thought, the one that tries to convince me that I need to be useful and productive. As if any bird in the sky every walks up having this thought. It’s not even a thought, it’s an underlying pattern that has been imprinted on us.
Truth is, being present with your emotions is the hardest “work” you can do. It’s like melting demons and not just your own, but everything effects the rest too. We are one big consciousness together.It’s my job to be present with my odd feeling. This will be my work, my training, the matter I will write my diploma about later on.
How did it get here, what does it want to tell me. The first thought poping up is the conversations of the world politics and the hopeless feelings we get when we emerge to much in this.Than yesterday I had a cry after seeing how some people left the BBQ area after having had their food their. A total mess. I ran after them and said: hey you forgot to take your rubbish, they just ignored me.
This is how I feel today . Hopeless. And this is not the first time and possibly not the last.
I look for good news…. Are there examples that show that we have hope? Maybe….or maybe it’s just another illusion. Some people sit in war situations and they have no idea if they will get out.
And so are we, we are sitting in a war situation, where some people are focusing on making war with the planet for the only reason – capitalism, producing producing producing…..
I feels so frustrating, why do they have to make more and more? And where is this present in my life? Is it possibly my feeling I have to be productive all the time?
I can not time to feel and just be with myself, because if I do I might feel worthless? This sound all very interesting.
I think I will spend my day being useless and present and stop the capitalistic system in myself. It’s a pattern, it has been imprinted and it can be dissolved, once we get aware and do steps.
We need to take time to feel and be present.
I m starting to feel better now and some shivers running inside my system, some tears. I can do something. I can stop the capitalism in myself and seed my seed of hope.