Now we hear it all the time, you HAVE to love yourself first …
Especially the Have used to piss me off a lot, because it’s just not helping to put more pressure on when love is lacking.
Also love is in a way a totally abstract word and we use it so often instead of saying the truth, like we say I love you instead of I like what you did, or I feel happy when I see you smile, or I feel cared for when you bring out the rubbish, I feel respected when you clean away you things….
We say I love you – instead and it does create confusion 🙂
Especially when it comes to than Self Love. How do you love yourself?
For me that was a tricky attempt and so I found some phrases that worked better.
For example: Hi Melanie, how are you, I am totally here for you know, whatever it is you feel.
It’s like being yourselves best friend and everything you tell this best friend is fine.
NOTHING needs correcting – everything just needs empathy, which is understanding from a close and same height level.
Not the same as sympathy – which is more like understanding from a distance.
Self Love is asking yourself what do you need right now.
The answer might be –
I need to be alone – I feel unsafe – Can we go for a walk?
-Yes, we can, where do you want to go?-
-I don’t want to go far, just a little so no one can see me-
-OK, lets do it. Shall we sit down here?-
-Yes, I feel rubbish, I can’t say what I need, I feel I have no right for my needs. If I d say what I need people would laugh at me and think I am just such a control freak and they would judge me….
I feel like I can not feel save ….-
Self love is listening to your voices. It is being there with them!
Not trying to change them, not giving yourself a hard time or clever advice.
Ask what is it you need, is there anything I can do or you want to do?
And telling yourself I am here for you, over and over again.
As well as encouraging yourself, say –thank you for telling me, I did not know.
I am so happy that you tell me, that I can have a relation with you.-
Yes, really you are talking to your inner child and it is an important connection.
You may want to say -I m sorry I haven’t been listening before, I did not know how. I m so happy that I can hear you now. I will do my best to wake up from my unconscious judgment patterns so I can get closer to you.-
There are many ways of how to connect authentically, go with what feels right for you. Or simply repeat suggestions if you are unsure. That is fine too. We are just learning how to have a connection again.
Only when the child feels acknowledged it will start talking and at the beginning everything it says you’d rather not hear about, so it takes courage to allow yourself to feel and be with what there is.
I met people that are so convinced about they just want to be a kind person and bring good to the world that they have totally lost contact with their own inner truth, because they live out of the concept of what they believe is right.
Yes it is right to live a kind live, but the anger and frustration needs to be able to express and do their mission.
Every feeling has a mission, they help us to understand.
So the authentic kindness is the kindness to your rubbish emotions, to those who haven’t been supported when you where little and as a continuation you don’t allow yourself, because you were programmed like this.
That is true kindness.
The concept kindness is self cruelty, its a continuation of self abuse and not allowing yourself to fully unfold.
This session we will learn about what is self love, what we need to love ourselves and where and how we are already doing it.
Thank you for being here