When personal boundaries get crushed we need time to digest this.
Every abuse needs it’s healing time and before that we need to recognise the abuse. Recognise it was not “normal” nor “our fault” what we experienced.
When our personal boundaries where crushed and we have not recovered we have a tendency to recreate the situation in our present live and without connection to the past events we may at best simply recognise that our emotional reactions seam exaturated.
And so it is they are exatrurated for the presence, but they mirror the past and that is where the pain was not able to be expressed or felt.
When your borders have been crushed, when you had to adapt to any people pleasing methods to survive your childhood and youth there is a need to create safety.
And you have the right to have safety.
Here are some things to do when you find yourself in the storm of emotional chaos of not having your boundaries respected.
- Take time for yourself to emotionally south yourself, hold yourself and let yourself say the things that bother you right then. (Best to be alone or with a “qualified” friend)
- Check about what you need to happen for you to feel safe. Is the present situation to challenging. Can you set other circumstances, for example create a safety space, uninvite friends, declare you need you time etc.
- Remain soothing with yourself, give yourself the space to feel the emotions and don’t deny them or belittle them. The emotions are real, they are just not from this situation, the situation that feels like you are overreacting is just the trigger.
- To heal from an experience we need to experience the opposite. To heal from having your borders crushed you need to experience control over your situation. Take control where you can, aiming to create safety for yourself without harming others. And in the best case scenario have others (partner, friend) support your safety. You are NOT a control freak, you simply are on the way of healing yourself.
- Communicate only with people who will understand your situation, safe your energy,and protect your vulnerability, but be present with yourself as much as you can.
It is not something that is dealt with in one situation. Crushed boundaries that need resetting take time and understanding. The first step is to stop self abuse by recognising why this is all happening and by comforting yourself. Just as you would do for anyone else.